blablabla

empty, folorn and nothing to say.
killing time..how sublime?

live in the past!

Encore!-2010 < 3
-missing the significant other of her life,
she stumbles blindly through the rest of her summer.

something of an end

the time it took for me to truly care,
was the time it took for you to notice how much of a waste of time i really am.

i guess every flower gets to wilt,
like every summer meets its end.

fumbeling for an excuse

coming, going,
constant movement,
we wake, we eat, we sleep,
we live, breath and feed on other people misery,
we strive for happiness yet when we have it, let go or hold it to tight crushing, destroying it as we strangle it in our firm grasps, willing to believe that we have all the control.

the fact that we have the ability to manage to founder everything we attempt to do, yet continue feebly trying to manage, is entertainment for the world.
stumbling through a thick fog, we trek on misguided, adjudicating which way to go, trying the hardest we possibly can to succeed.
when we don't, we merely give up or proceed trying.

choices are made, for good or for worse.
yet, no matter which route we take it always leads to deterioration.
fumbling for an excuse we try to explain our way out of the mess created.

good intentions or bad,
we always land in the same place..

Lost without You.

"you should stop for a while, you will find me standing by over here at the side of your life you spend all your hours just rushing around do you have a little time, to have a little time for me?"













serenity.
just wanted to say thank you..
< 3



















lamelamelame entry, t'was pointless.

i would let you win over me..

my pretty boy F-Angus < 3
(2010-02-05)

what is rain?

someday, i'll do my homework
someday, i'll maybe even do something productive
someday, i'll graduate
someday, i'll move away

someday...imagine all things i could do

Rreztart!

porn and harajuku.

byebye

The snow is finally melting! YAY. Gosh, it's been here for Jonks, I was starting to wonder just how long it was planning to out stay its welcome.
Even though it's lovely, it's rather simple to start to get sick and tired of all the snow, ice and freezing cold air.
All I'm waiting for now is the summer sun, swimming, tanning and relaxation. Hopefully also Nice!!

Also: Happy Birthday Erik :D
(hope this cheers you up.
we miss you.)

(Picture/last summer/USA- Here you go Fred, heres your proof ;D)

I miss last summer. That was a great holiday.

America, England, Älmhult with the usual suspect and then spending a whole week with Ellen!
(I want to relive it all once more)
Here's to hoping, praying for a lovely long and warm summer.

wandering

sitting with the devil, this is what i learned,

apart form all the ways a human soul can be burned,

it's that though we learned from our mistakes we're condemned,

to make those same mistakes again and again.

the sky's not falling

it's just angels committing suicide..

fag life

planning goes to waste.

parents take centurys to come uppone a decidion,

plans then get destoyed.

england is no more.

suckyness ftw.

fag life, now in existance.

butchered

and then my belief flew out the window,

landing amongst every one elses ignorance.

once again.

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

A- What Now?

Joy!

I have serious anemia..my dad is pms-ing about it, bringing home all these different hb test machine thingys.

its insane.

seriously, i dont have enough blood and then he wasnts to continuously test how much i have WTF!?

i didnt even know how serious it was until my dad had a fit today cos i refused to take his retarded test as the little nedle objects leav bruzes and its not pleasant what so ever.

either way i have to go back to the hospital in 3 weeks for more tests and to see if im any better. they lied to me, they told me i was fine and that i just had a serious lack of blood..

its not that simple.

fags.

appart from that rather inconvinient situation everything is just dandy.

can't wate for the easter holiday..thats when im off to England with my lovely rrezarted albanian kid Rrezarta :)

how lovely.

10-02-10

was it a mistake?

-too soon?

all i can think about is climbing mountinas..

-fallings, tumbeling, crashing down in to emptyness.

the awearness before the reality.

it.

i love how you took my identity and used it against me.

how can you bother?

i dont know how i have the energy.

i simply dont know where i get it from.

the speed i use is maid of good newse,

good news,

happy feelings,

reasons to persist are what keep me going,

keep me hyper,

keep my smiling.

no amount of negertive energy can burst my bubble,

if i have a good enough reason to keep it alive and floating.

but then like all drugs,

the speed im on tends to wear out after ower using it.

this is why im still wondering,

how on earth do i manage to find more and more small things,

tiny things that keep me going.

i really dont know how i have the energy,

the energy to bother.

that game you played so well.

you really think you'r the one playing and winning the game?

scoring the points,
making people cheer you on,
support your side.

well do i have news for you..

check the sidelines,
look both ways before you cross.
because sooner or later it will hit you,
hit you with more force than you can imagine.

this game you were playing,
this game you were winning,
it was playing you all along..

it was leading you on, letting you believe you had the upper hand,
the illusion of success in your mind is nothing more than that,
nothing more than a transparent image in your head that only you can see.

you think it's a victory.
that game you played so well,
has suddenly become your own personal hell.

no one will know,
no one will see,
it's just you,

you who lost against me.

do i follow your rules?

if everyone really thinks im a whore,

should i just live up those expectations?

...

no thank you,

i have more self respect than that.

HA!

thank you all for a lovely friday, it was nice, it was fun it was...interesting...

also, damn what a great saturday, i mean really.

i learnt so much about people and myself.

________________________________

thank you for bringing to my atention that..

IM A FREE BITCH BABY!

and im surprised you trusted me or if you didnt well done for not doing so because havent you learnt over the summer: dont trust a ho, dont trust me..

see ya in hell bitch, peace.

overexposure

the feeling of envy, jealousy and despair.

i'm like a over filled bath about to run over with pent up anxiety and over sensitive thoughts.

emotions shouldn't be kept inside but then again there is no one to trust anymore who wont double cross you.

...

life is like an unbeatable game that your determined to win,

a continuous struggle,

but the ending is not a reward or a sense of achievement,

its a death,

your own death,

half way through you win the loss of innocents and sense of belonging,

the ending, your final prize is the loss of your mind, sanity and general existence.

just let go.

like the heart of an imprisoned Lion,

free, wild and reckless,

i wish to break away from these chanes you placed me in.

back to basics

warmth, sun, sand, waves and carefree feelings.

i miss it all.

simplicity, a long lost dream.

...

i haven't got much to say.



except for the fact that im über happy...

so do what you want,
say what you want,
cos im away laughing on a fast camel!


thank you for everything. :)

Special Needs

My dad think F-Angus is "ladder goat".

<<(this picture was taken when he said it)

I think hes loosing it, he still finds that joke helarious, every time he sees a goat he said look its ladder goat. When a bunch of goats ran in front of the car he said "oh you leader goat, you so random" and pointed to the goat at the front of the flock. I think he is slightly goat obsessed but then again I just love awkward silences thanks to my rrezarted Rrezarta. ;D

twenty10

Had a lovely Christmas involving a relaxing and rewarding break and a mighty fine start to the New Year. All i can hope for now is that the rest of 2010 is as nice as its beginning..

Like every start to every New Year I tell myself I will change, I will make the best out of this year, I will push myself just a little further.

Well I did try to make a change on the 01/01/2010 but it made me dislike myself quite a bit. I planned on eating meat again, or at least try to eat it again..yeeeer..I did that day and I can now say for a fact it wasn't worth it, it didn't taste even half as good as i remembered and I am so over it. Appart from that minor hickup during the day of the 1st of January I can say the evening was indeed very pleasant..

^ on the 25th of December I build sand-snowmen MyLifeIsAverage.

Never Again.

never again,

Two words I use much to often.

never again,

Two words whos meanings never are fulfilled in my life.

That was untill now.

Untill I found a solid enough reason.

This is why I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for finnally giving me this perfect reason, this perfect situation in which I can say those two words and make them come to life.

I want to thank you for the eomotions you have let me, no. Thought me to feel.

I thank you for giving me some one to dislike, even better. Resent, hate.

But most of all I want to thank you for breaking me so badly that I am unrepearable.

Much like a board game without any characters or a story without a plot I am unfixable, there will always be a piece missing.

Never again will I open up to a person the way I did to you.

I will just be like every one else, invisible and "unique".

Fifty in Five.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkfB-KTdBCU

Terror cleared the skyline and anger clouded judgement,

So they spent a thousand nighttimes in the desert fighting something,

That they couldnt find, that made it something that they couldnt fight,

Left us all lamenting all the wrongs that they couldnt right,
This is for the second time, we've been here before,
From Vietnam to Saddam, we always needing a war,
Neo-conservatives rose up like Viet Cong,
Their fingers on the trigger we won't be here long,
They killed MLK and they named a day after him,
They killed JFK and named an airport after him,
Some guy shot a monster called Reagan so he could bone,
A girl named Jodie Foster, if only he'd known,
We tested nukes in the atmosphere, the sea and dirt,
And they tested all these missiles just to see if they worked,
Now France got 'em, Russia got 'em, India and Pakistan,
Korea want 'em, states want 'em pointed at the Taliban,
Iran and Afghanistan, sands of the Arab lands,
Order from portable commands in armoured caravans, internet,
3g cellular phones,
Serial killers built in mini-sells in their homes,
And we had Manson, Bundy, Gacy-son of Sam,
Macarena, Superman, chicken dance, running man,
Generation X and generation Y,
And the generation next will degenerate and die,
Cause we got holes in the ozone that we put there ourselves,
Now the poles are a no-go, earths cooking itself,
And we cant look at ourselves so we got saline, botox,
eighteen, fake tits, ninteen detox,
Don't stop, get it, get it, can't afford it get it credit,
Buy it, spend it, try it, getting fat? then you better ched it,
Ab-swing, blue blocker, Tupac or Biggy,
East coast, west coast, Fat Joe or fifty,
Thatcher the shifty iron lady, Tony Blair,
A princess died, some say cause she got Dodi there,
Whitlam, Keating, Hawke and a promise,
Of no children in poverty, wish that could have been honest,
We had abbot and costella, right wing overloads,
Promises and children, they threw em both overboard,
Overwrought refugees thrown to a group home,
Or jailed for the crime of looking for a new home,
Elvis died, Hendrix died, Lennon died,
Genocide, in Africa, Serbia, Cambodia, pesticides, bio-toxins, chemical warfare,
All's fair in love and war, more work for the pallbearer,
More terror, more unjust search and seizures,
A tidal wave came and claimed the coast of Indonesia,
Quakes in Iran, Japan and California,
Greenhouse gas turned the world into a sauna,
The trauma of mortars, martyrs, slaughters,
Of partners, mourners, fathers and daughters,
They chassed us, caught us, numbered us to sort us,
Raped up, scorned us, to break us they bought us,
Third world kidneys for captains of industry,
Uprising in the street, corruption in the ministry,
A blowjob brought about the fall of a dynasty,
And MP3s saw the fall of an industry,
Doubled population, halved accommodation,
Carved up resources and we starved the poorer nations,
Beirut, Kenya, all hell,
Broke loose, berlin, ninteen eighty nine man, the wall fell,
Cold war ended but that didn't stop more shells,
Waco lit up the sky like burning oil wells,
A world laid waste addiction,
Tell Orwell truth's always stranger then fiction,
Big brother's on closed circuit TV and on cable,
Reality's now scripted, celebrity's for sale, jeopary and jail, seized, depossed,
Remedies and penalties for failed CEO's,
We had the Enron collapse, and white-collar crime,
Investors they were taxed, a dollar for a dime,
The blue chip companies and blue-sky mines,
We no longer choose sides we choose sidelines,
Rich bleeding the kind, blind leading the blind,
And history repeats, no competing with time,
Gasses eating the minds of the vets that they bing home,
The plague of agent orange, gulf war syndrome,
Soldiers sent home, posttraumatic stress leave,
STDs cause the sleeve aint sexy,
AIDS shook the eighties, grim reaper with a bowling ball,
Metallica, kill em all, let god scold em all,
The Guildford four, chicago seven,
Mumia, mandela, oceans eleven,
Half past twelve on friday the thirteenth,
Dawn of the dead, a nightmare on elm street,
Weapons free environment, war zone, phone home,
Melanoma grow as we soak in the ozone,
Home-grown, hydro, cocaine, nitro,
Werewolf in london, american physco,
Cyclones, bushfires, bush firing scuds,
Naby boomers, woodstoack what happened to the love?
What happened to the cubs? they fed em to the wolves,
Set a trial for pedophiles, they let em in the schools,
Set em on the students, turned em on the kids,
And everyone responsible should burn for what they did,
And if they try to deny then an eye for an eye,
The government and church on which we try to rely,
Both rob us till it hurts chasing lie after lie,
Like astronauts chasing a pie in the sky,
They landed on the moon but can't seem to return there,
Makes some question if they ever really were there,
And if they were there now and they looked back,
Would we look them in the eye, could we look back?
Cause when we look back at what we have done,
Can you believe what we have become?
As we walk into the sun,
Can you believe what we have become?
As we walk into the sun.